When all you wanna say is "I wanna barbecue you, can I barbecue you?"

I’ve always thought that I was a very likable person. I would literally be jaw-drop shocked when I discovered that somebody didn’t like me. Like, how?? Why not?? Have you actually met me? I’m pretty cool! *hides* Yeah, that was back in my younger days, when I was stupid, naïve and self-centered. I have quickly grown to learn that people sometimes just don’t like some people. It has since liberated me to live with the fact that some people are not going to like me, but that doesn’t mean that I’m a wrong or a bad person. I'm just not their kinda cool, you know what I mean? :)

I’m basically trying to tell you that some people will not like you, and that’s OK. It is also OK, I figure, to not like some people. Hold your horses, before you Christianese-bash me. I’m not advocating for hatred or whatever. I’m just being real. Hear me.

There are some people that you absolutely really like, with no rhyme or reason. Then there are those who you have no idea how you feel about them, because they’re of no particular significance to your little world; they don’t add to or subtract from your life. Then you get the third group of people who, for some reason (either known or unknown to you), make you cringe. They just annoy you, bore you, make you want to bury your face in a cactus, (or bury their face in a cactus, whichever comes to mind first.) How do you deal with people who you just can’t seem to take a liking to?

Before I conclude by telling you to hand it over to Jesus so he can deal with your hateful heart (excuse my honesty), here’s a few suggestions that I’ve come up with to make your life a little easier (as if that’s absolutely possible).

1. NEVER tell someone that you're not very pleased with their existence

Unless they're like super annoying & they're totally looking for it, of course. (Ha ha ha, I'm just kidding. Maybe.) 

Anywho, not only is it mean to tell someone that you don't like them, it’s just unnecessary. I’ve had people whom I didn’t like when I first met them, but as the days went on, or as I got to know them better, my feelings towards them changed and I ended up liking them. I don’t think we would’ve grown to like each other much if the relationship had started with “Hey I’m Suoma, and I don’t like you much.” Telling somebody that you don’t like them ruins a potentially great friendship and it may break a feint-hearted person’s heart, so don't do it.

2. The rest of the world doesn’t need to know either

Like, seriously. When you tell me that you don’t like Selma, it tells me more about you than it does of Selma. People don’t really like people who don’t like other people. The natural emotional reaction is; you’ve got issues, you’re a deuchebag or you’re jealous of Selma for one or another reason. And when you do have a good reason for not liking Selma, telling me about it turns my heart against Selma and then I will be inclined to dislike them as well. When you get over your dislike of Selma (if you do), I will still be disliking her. You will create a world of people not liking other people, which pretty much sucks.

3. be MATURE about it 

This means that you have to respect the person who you don’t like. Respecting them means not having to act like they are a breath of toilet air when they are around, not going around talking about why they should not be liked, and simply just ignoring the fact that you dislike them, so that it doesn’t bother you so much.  No need to post hateful stuff about them on social networks or whatever. Grow up. 

4. Understand yourself

I’m all for personal development (just in case I haven’t made that clear yet), so every circumstance is an opportunity for you to learn about yourself and improve who you are. (don't we all need improvement...) If somebody does something that annoys you, you should ask yourself why the particular act gets to you, so you can get an understanding of what kinds of behavior piss you off, where the dislike is originating from, how they make you feel and what the preferred solution to such behavior should be. This will enable you to communicate your feelings to people you intend on building relationships with, which helps them understand and love you better. 

5. Learn from them

Ask yourself what it is about them that ticks you off. Do they talk about themselves all the time? Do they like gossiping? Are they attention seekers? Do they tend to be hypocrites? Do they like things? Are they mean to other people? Do they like to show off their generous deeds? Do they belittle others? Are they holier than thou? Do they eat like pigs? Whatever it is that makes you go “oh my gosh, I can’t deal’, learn not to do it, so as not to get people being annoyed by you. I have learnt that what we don’t like in other people is usually not very far from who we are.

6. STAY AWAY from them!

This one is a no brainer. This is my simplest way of dealing with people I'm not particularly fond of. I’m not a big fan of being rubbed the wrong way, so I make it a point to avoid situations that could get my blood boiling. 

"...for out of the abundance of the heart, (your) mouth speaks." - Jesus

If you spend so much time with somebody you don’t like, you’ll end up saying things you didn't mean to say; hurtful things, and it’s just notgood for your soul; so stay away from negative vibes.

I’ll share an interesting story with you. (It’s about to get personal up in here…) 

There’s this other lady that I didn’t particularly like (for understandably good reasons for a teenager back then) and I shared a bedroom with her once. Now, that in itself isn’t a problem, the problem is; I used to speak in my sleep (I still do, sometimes – yup, it’s getting real personal :-|). The next morning, she told me that there must be somebody in my life that I really hate coz, in my sleep, I tossed and turned, and I said the following words “That woman, I will kill her”. I could've been talking about her, I don't know, I could've mentioned her name, I wouldn't know. So yeah, I'm not about to fall asleep with you around if my heart is full of ugly thoughts of you.

7.  Love them

You definitely saw this one coming. At the end of the day, something is probably more wrong with you than the person you don’t like. If you make a conscious decision to love somebody (I will teach you how to do that in another blog), you won’t have time to dislike them. The truth is; dislike can easily grow into contempt, resentment and eventually hatred. That stuff is bad for the soul. Learn to be forgiving towards the annoyance of certain people and just love them (not force yourself to like them, there’s a difference) and come to a point where you just want the best for them. Love, at the end of the day, heals all kinds of evils. When you love somebody, you have little time to be super annoyed by them, because they’re probably the way they are (as I’ve written in my previous blog), because they’re just broken.

“When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him. If you injure someone you dislike, you will find yourself disliking him more. If you do him a good turn, you will find yourself disliking him less.” 

-CS Lewis