People don't like you??

A number of people have confessed to me that sometimes they feel like they are not liked very much and they hate it; they ask me for advice, “People seem to like you a lot, how do you do it? How do people just like you?” And in my head, I’m like “Oh well, that’s probably just because I’m pretty awesome and stuff *hides*”. That’s a joke. Maybe J  Sometimes I do get this feeling that someone doesn’t like me and there are times when I feel unwanted and it sucks terribly. 

What’s funny, for me, is that the internet is graced with quotes that say things like this. I'm gonna be that lifecoach that tells you that there's something wrong with that kinda picture. As human beings, we generally want to be affirmed & appreciated by others, coz we are created to connect with other people; it can honestly be quite harsh on the soul if people don’t like you. Then you have to act like you don't care, coz the world is telling you that you're a major loser if you care whether people like you or not. 

Not that we should be out here trying to get people to like us, but we shouldn’t just act like we should be out here disliking people and being disliked. I wrote it before, and I'll say it again; dislike can easily grow into contempt, hate and all kinds of ugly.  There’s something seriously wrong with that picture.

Here are some of the reasons you may be feeling like people don’t like you and how you can possibly deal with it.

1. People don’t like you.

“When God shows you somebody’s heart, don’t ignore it. You see their acts, but God sees their heart.” (highly paraphrased) – Heather Lindsey

The reason you’re feeling like somebody doesn’t like you is probably because they don’t like you; simple. I’ve learned not to ignore negative vibes I get from people. If somebody doesn’t like you, most times it shows. They usually either avoid your presence or overcompensate by showering you with un-genuine hugs and kisses, probably in an attempt to convince themselves to like you, or they’re scared you might find out that they don’t like you. (Take note: sometimes we can have "friends" that actually don't like us) Never ignore that negative energy.

Here’s how you deal; If it’s a relationship you want to salvage, be honest and mature about it, and ask: “I get this funny feeling you don’t like me. Is there something I did, or am I just being delusional?” This can either mend brokenness, or confirm a supposed-to-be-out-of-your-life person. If somebody doesn’t like you for no particular reason, then, WHATEVER! Not every relationship is that important. It shouldn’t keep you up at night, because there’s very little you can do to change somebody’s heart which is turned against you.

2. You’re unlikable.

Here’s a dose of brutal honesty; some people just aren’t very likable. MAYBE YOU’RE ONE OF THEM. If one or two people don’t like you for no particular reason, that’s cool. But if you always get the feeling that quite a number of people just don’t like you, maybe you should be a little concerned. There are certain qualities in people that make them unfondable (made-up word); either you’re rude, holier than thou, self-centered, unfriendly, pretentious, unapproachable, inconsiderate, you lie a lot, belittle others, always talk about yourself, you bible-bash people, and so on.

Take time to conduct an honest self-study, and deal with certain qualities that need to be dealt with. I’ve totally been there. I made a staggering discovery that people didn’t like me coz I was a super smart ass and I used to make people feel very stupid; I would literally say things like “Are you stupid or something?” I’m also a dominant character, so sometimes I drive people nuts by being bossy and trying to be in charge all the time. Those are just two of the many things I’ve had to deal with and continue to work on. By studying and understanding myself, I have learned to control my unlikable qualities. It’s very important.

3. You don’t like people

If you don’t like somebody first, chances are high that they’re gonna unlike you back. There are people who just don’t like other people (Like, what’s that even???). If you don’t like people, you can’t expect them to like you, (even though some might). I’m not saying you should like everybody; I’m rather referring to the state where you just decide "I don't like that girl". Sometimes I catch myself disliking some people (for no apparent reason) and I stop myself. If I don’t like you, you’ll pick it up and you’ll give me the cold shoulder. Simple solution; take a genuine appreciation in people; like them for who they are and they will naturally respond with friendliness.

4. You don't like yourself

"I don't trust people who don't love themselves and tell me 'I love you.' ...There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt." - Maya Angelou

The reason you actually don't like some people is probably because you don't like yourself. It's really sad; there's a great number of people who just don't like themselves. When you don't like yourself, you become quite defensive, so when people act a certain way towards you, you assume that they're attacking your weaknesses (those things that you don't like about yourself), which makes you dislike them. 

It's not necessarily true that we can't love you if you don't love yourself, the truth is; you just can't receive our love, because you genuinely believe that you don't deserve it. The solution to this kind of problem is quite broad, so it deserves its own blog, but for now, learn to appreciate yourself please!

5. They’re not speaking your love language

Everybody has a love language; something they do to show love, or something their hearts pick up when it’s spoken to them. If your love language is physical touch, it’s easy for you to feel that I don’t like you if I never hug you or pat you on the back. If your love language is words of affirmation, you will feel unappreciated by somebody that never says to you “Well done, you did a good job” or “You look great today!” and feel unliked by people who say unpleasant things to you. If your love language is quality time (like I), you feel unliked by people who never engage you in quality conversation or people who don’t necessarily want to spend time with you. If acts of service are your primary love language, it’s easy to assume that somebody who never does something as simple as hold the door for you doesn’t like you much. If receiving gifts is your love language, you will feel unliked by a friend who never goes out of his way to give you a birthday present.

It’s absolutely crucial for you to get to know yourself; what is it that you wish people did more to make you feel appreciated? I give the ‘love Languages’ test by Gary Chapman to my clients and it’s amazing how accurate it is. You will be able to discern whether someone actually dislikes you, or just isn’t speaking the language that makes you feel liked. 

On that note, big ups to King Jesus for teaching us this...

"Therefore, whatever you want others to do to you, do also to them"