Chucking people out of your life

A friend recently asked for advice on how to cut someone out of her life. I have successfully cut several people out of my life (yeah I’m a bit of a jerk when it comes to keeping my environment glitch-free, drama-free and crap-free), so I’ve totally been there, done that... There are certain people that should not be in your life for one reason or another (yes, even if you love them!), but how do you know it’s time to cut them out, what are the acceptable reasons for chucking them and how can you successfully do it? Learn from the Lifecoach.

First of all, let me just tell you that you will just know that you know when you know that somebody has got to go! However, the following reasons are considered quiet reasonable:

1. Someone who keeps you around solely for their own benefit & never gives

2. The person you broke up with but you are not over them (you’re so not ready to handle news of their new romantic interests)

3. Someone who greatly disrespects you or disregards your boundaries. 

4. Someone who simply gives you bad vibes; trust your instincts - energy doesn’t lie!

5. Ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends with issues – like, CUT’em OUT!

6.*Toxic people* judgmental, look-downers, manipulative, persistent liars, excessively negative & energy draining, unforgiving - Those have seriously got to go!

7. Carriers of a habit that you are determined to break of, e.g. the excessive smoking or drinking crew when you are trying so hard to quit.

8. People who resent your progress or are jealous of you. Like, haaalllooww!! 

9. Someone who always makes you feel like you are not enough

10. Somebody you simply don’t want in your life anymore, for whatever reason, it's your life! (unless you have married them, of course, then you just have to stick it through my friend, you made a vow.)

Cutting somebody out of your life doesn't make you hateful or “unChristian”, it just means that you respect your journey and you know what you’re willing to tolerate and what you aren’t prepared to put up with. Some people you just have to love from a distance. You may feel like some people will not be able to live without you, but the truth is; they were doing pretty OK without you, and trust me; they will be fine when you’re gone. I had someone call me in the middle of the night threatening suicide because I was keeping them out of my life and it kept me awake for days; such manipulation, my word!

“There is a difference between loyalty and bondage. There is a difference between faithfulness and fearfulness. There is a difference between being devoted and being dominated. The difference is called FREEDOM, and it is all the difference in the world.” – Bryant McGill

You can hardly change the people around you, but you can definitely change the people you want to have around you, and cutting the crappy people out often makes room for the right people to come in. Your destiny isn't tied to anybody, especially when their presence seems to do more harm than good. Be kind to yourself. How to do it is as easy and as difficult as it is.

1. Some people are quite sensible and you can simply inform them that you have decided to cut them out for whatever reason, but you don’t owe them a huge explanation, if they’re not getting it. I had broken up with a boyfriend who had gotten over me (can you believe it?!), so I informed him that it would be much easier for me to get over them and regain myself if they were completely out of my life, so all communications had to be stopped, Facebook friendships had to be cancelled, numbers and pictures had to be deleted.

2. Some people aren’t as sensible, or you might have a hard time actually telling somebody to get lost. Other people refuse to listen and shape up, even after you have spoken.  The best you can do is avoid them,  ignore them and move on with your life, until they get the message (if they even care enough to notice). People will rarely be after you if you have made it clear that you don’t want them around. No matter how persistent they are, they will eventually catch on. 

3. Some people are quite determined (or destined) to remain in your life; they attend the same church, they’re colleagues, family members, or people you share friends with. Apart from minimizing the time spent around them, the other thing you can do is make a conscious decision to not attach any significance to their presence. They are in your life, yes, they are at every party you go to, but you remain indifferent to them. They may or may never get the message, but the solution lies in the fact that their presence will stop bothering you, because you have learned to successfully ignore them.

It’s not easy to let go of some people (I’ve been there, like, a million times) and so it’s important to appreciate that it may take a bit of a process and you’re totally allowed to talk about it. Thank God we all have that one friend who never gets tired of hearing our drama! (PS: If yo don't have that kinda friend, contact a Lifecoach *wink*) but Refrain from bad-mouthing; that’s just nasty and so ratchet, it poisons you (and I am shamefully guilty of being this ratchet). You also have to be prepared to lose other people whom you didn’t necessarily plan on losing in the process, but they are so closely attached to the subject of your life-scissors that it only makes sense to keep your distance from them as well (your ex-girlfriend’s best friend, for example, is absolutely off limits!)

When you cut someone out, you don’t have to be rude, ill-mannered or immature about it and you don’t have to act like they are a breath of toilet-air when they enter the building. Be polite; greet them when you have to, be able to be in the same place with them without entertaining them as you would a friend, and laugh if they crack a funny joke (I will laugh at your jokes, my friend), without having to go out of your way to accommodate them. You also don’t have to be fake about it; it’s called maturity.

Remember, to have a truly beautiful and meaningful life, you have to be bold enough to grab the scissors and...