Some People Are Just Unlovable

There’s nothing that gives me more joy than immersing myself in the appreciation of another being. I love people. I honestly do.  I deliberately choose to fall in love with people. I’ve learned that we, as human beings, are all pretty unlovable, but entirely loveable at the same time. How cool is that, right?

The number one need for the soul is to love and be loved. But some people aren’t very easy to love, because either they’re really rude, inconsiderate, selfish, arrogant, sadly boring, pathetic, or down right annoying. (*sigh* Don't we all have those?) But I figured; if I get this one thing right; loving the unlovable people, I will experience true depths of love and my life will be pretty awesome.  Learn from the Lifecoach, will you :)

1. Understand that PEOPLE ARE BROKEN

There is not one person that I have met that isn’t cracked or broken. We are all pretty broken. We are out here acting all well and fine, wearing a perfectly plastered face until people can’t tell how deeply wounded we are. Certain things happened in our lives, and those things left scars. It just so happens that we treat people from this place of brokenness. You’ve all heard this one; “Hurting people hurt people”. This understanding has helped me tremendously in not taking emotional attacks too deep, because I assume that somebody is hurting me because they are victims, and the last thing they need is further victimization. We aren’t perfect. Expect us to hurt you. When you expect it and understand us, it is easier for you to forgive us, making your life much much easier.

“Maturity is when somebody hurts you and you try to understand their situation instead of trying to hurt them back.” - Unknown

2. Read this twice...

Trust me on this one:  very few people go to bed, thinking up ways on how to hurt you and make your life miserable. Life isn’t one of those Telemundo things, where you have a good five people that are super dedicated and committed to their job of making sure that you don’t succeed. Like, get over yourself. Even people that hate you the most; chances are very skinny that they go to bed thinking “tomorrow, I’m gonna wake up, have coffee, then hurt Mary, go to the gym, grab lunch, then hurt Mary”.   The truth is; people are just concerned about their own grinding and you might get hurt along the way in their journey. They are for protecting themselves and their emotions, so they might hurt you along the way.

3. Assumptions are the mother of all Screw-ups

Here is the ultimate truth: we don’t know as much as we think we do. As a matter of fact, we don’t know anything at all. We live by assumptions; we assume that a certain young man who keeps to himself is arrogant and rude because of his money, but what we don’t know is that he tries to hold people off and not let them in because he’s been abandoned by his own mother at a young age. We assume that just because a 23 year old girl has a rich 45 year old boyfriend; she’s after his money.  We end up treating people based on our wrong assumptions, which sucks. Don’t make assumptions. You really never know.  

4. The father of Screw-ups is High Expectations

So now, having established that people are broken and are quite self-centered, wouldn’t it just be the dumbest thing ever to be completely shocked when they do things that broken people do?? You would avoid massive heartbreak and major screw-ups if you didn’t expect people to act so right all the time.

If you expect people to fall short and disappoint you every now and then, you would be far more forgiving and understanding towards them. I’ve been hurt so much by certain people of whom I had high expectations. It was so hard for me to forgive them, until I decided to put myself in their shoes. I realized that I am not them, and they are not me. Our life experiences have shaped us differently and what their brokenness allows them to do, my brokenness will allow me to do something else they wouldn’t do. I would like for that person to forgive me if ever I did something horribly stupid, so I lowered my standards a little and found peace within myself.

5. Rumors are the evil WICKED step-mother

If you believe half the things you hear about other people from secondary sources, you have absolutely no time to love them. We usually think that rumors are usually hateful speech, but a rumor can sometimes come from a well-meaning mouth and a sincere heart. It remains a rumor, nonetheless. It is absolutely shocking to me how some people’s relationships are purely based on the juicy scoops they share about other people. That stuff is poisonous, man. Just stop it. The danger about rumors is; they are almost always untrue. You never have the full information; the story-carrier never has the full information. That little information that you hear about another person; of how they had sex with this and that person, how they stole this and that item, and how they were rude to this and that other person, is strong enough to plant a seed of hate towards them; you will find it hard to love them, so just switch it off; don’t entertain rumors.

6. You are pretty unlovable yourself

I always say; what makes us judge other people is self-righteousness. When somebody does something that you think is beneath you, it gives you a sense of justification to be angry with them, because you feel like you are on a higher moral ground. You assume you are better than them somehow, and you have better judgment than they do. So it's OK for you to not love them as much, and anybody would understand if you hate them a little, right? That’s far from the truth. How do you know you wouldn’t do what they did if you have never been in the same shoes as they? We all have patches of ugly, so we are all capable of doing ugly things; given the chance and the right setting... When you realize how ugly you can also be sometimes, you also realize that you have absolutely no reason to not love other people because of their patches of ugly. As ugly as you are, you just wanna be loved.

Think about this...

so, don't fail the test...