Reintroducing Yourself to You

There is a strangely common request that seems very simple but would always leave me with a potato in the throat and make me feel like I’ve been tasked to explain the molecular build-up and scientific formula of a sophisticated form of petroleum jelly: 

“Please, introduce yourself.” 

I swear, I always though there was a special place in Lucifer’s braai for people that asked that question.  I mean, I don’t know who I am. What do you mean “introduce yourself”? I was forced to make up stuff that made me an ordinary person by basically copying what little of introductions I’ve read or heard somewhere of people that are at least “similar” to me. But I could not tell you who I was. I was freaked out by the prospect of telling someone who I was. Like, do I tell them the truth or just the good stuff? Wait, what good stuff? 

Growing up, I realized that this is quite common in most people. Maybe it is because of a fear of seeming egocentric or conceited if you say good things about yourself or a fear of seeming less confident and stupid if you say bad things about yourself. I have long realized that in the request to introduce yourself, you aren’t being asked to sell yourself by expounding on how many books you can read in a day, neither are you being asked to “humble” yourself by telling people of your detestable laziness. So this fear is unfounded and I don’t think that’s where the difficulty lies.

I think the problem is that a lot of people lack intra-personal intelligence; an understanding of who they are and why they are. It is alarming and uncomfortable for me to conceptualise the fact that many of us do not care to get to know ourselves. We don’t know why we do the things we do and why we do them the way we do them. This is a classic scenario of “zombiness”, where we just do things because they’re done and we like things because they’re liked. Our personalities are shaped by social proof; we have become who it is acceptable to be in society.

“He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened." Lao Tzu

“Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.” Paolo Coehlo

Many people seem to know exactly what other people should be doing and how they should be running their lives, but they are clueless as to the direction of their own lives. They live their lives and they do it well, but the tragedy is that in whatever it is they’re doing, they shall remain mediocre because they are doing it for reasons other than simply because it is how they deeply want to be living.

I’m very big on personal understanding which is the cornerstone of personal development; one cannot develop themselves or improve certain areas of their lives, if they do not know themselves, because they are unaware of what areas may need development and/or improvement and why. While our experiences clearly helped shape us into the people we are today, it does not mean that we necessarily know who we truly are, what we are passionate about and what we want from life.

“Be yourself; everyone is already taken” Oscar Wilde

You see, it's easy for people to bombard you with pretty quotes of "Be yourself" but if you don't know the self you should be, what are you gonna be?

Knowing yourself means acknowledging and understanding your strengths and weaknesses, your passions and fears, your desires and dreams. It means being aware of your peculiarities and idiosyncrasies, your likes and dislikes, and your tolerances and limitations.

“Reintroducing Yourself to you” is a program that I use with my coaching clients, because the truth is; you think you know yourself, but really what you know is only that which you have paid attention to and have been made to believe is who you are. Knowing yourself is the beginning to discovering your purpose. 

Everybody has a role to play in the universe and it is up to each one of us to discover what it is that we’re called for and live it out. You simply cannot discover why you are if you do not know who you are. 

You’re not born knowing yourself. Get over it and meet yourself. Here are a few things you can do to get to know you.

1. Take personality tests. They may not be 100% accurate but they give you an idea. The DISC personality test is my favorite.
2. Spend time on your own. Solitude is the key to connecting with who you are.
3. Make a list of things you like and things you dislike; this puts your characteristics in perspective and you can view them from a different angle.
4. Keep a journal and record your thoughts. Reading back at a journal entry you wrote 6 months ago offers you a great insight in how you’re developing and you can observe who you tend to be under different circumstances. The goal is to be honest and vulnerable
5. Write down things that you like about yourself and affirm that it is wonderful to be who you are.
6. Forget expectations. People will always have expectations of you, but trust me; you can’t keep up. What people expect of you can become your prison.
7. Try out different activities, taste different foods, see different places, hang out with different kinds of people in order to clearly establish what you like. It is possible that who you think you are at the moment is only because of what you’ve been exposed to so far.
8. Take people’s opinions but make up your own mind.
9. Inspect your thought patterns & get to know what thoughts lead to what actions, so as to understand the reason you do certain things.
10. Pay attention to your impulsive decision; the feeling that you have before you’ve had an hour to overthink a situation is most probably who you really are.
11. Accept that you are not perfect. And thank God you’re not expected to be. Face your self-doubts, insecurities and weaknesses. Embrace them. You can only work on them if you acknowledge them.
12. Keep in mind that your life is not set in stone and you can change whatever you want to change about yourself whenever you decide to.

And the best advice, of course, is...