Emotional Stupidity

This blog was originally titled “Emotional Intelligence” which I decided was a bit boring. Stupidity is way more common and relatable, no? A lot of people are quite injudicious (big word ha? *wink*). There’s more stupid adults than there are intelligent ones; the statistics are quite overwhelming. Yes, there’s lots of book-smart pants, but very few social-emotional smarties. 

There are some things that people do to reveal that they have diddle-squat emotional intelligence (EQ). I have an extensive list of friends that can’t seem to make emotionally wise choices and I try not to ignore or downplay their propensity to make such emotionally senseless moves.

I like to define EQ as the smart ability to recognize, understand and manage your own emotions and those of others. Managing the emotions of other people, however, is not the same as “controlling” their emotions. 

EQ entails the ability to use emotional information to guide your thinking and behavior, manage and alter your emotions in order to adapt to a situation and achieve particular goals. It requires a thorough understanding and distinction of the emotions you experience. 

Sadly, many of us find it more and more difficult to connect, both with ourselves and others. And we don’t even know why. Our inability to effectively connect lies in the lack of emotional intelligence. When it comes to happiness and success in relationships, careers and personal goals, EQ matters just as much as intellectual ability (IQ). 

These are some traits of the emotionally intelligent champions

1. They don’t hold grudges. It takes a special kind of brainlessness to not know that grudges are destructive and it takes a wise person to just let it go. Subsequently, they don’t seek revenge. 

2. They apologise. You know, saying “I am sorry” is hella matrix-quantum-rocket-science difficult for many people. Myself included. It makes one feel vulnerable. An EQ-challenged person might see apology as an expression of weakness. But through an understanding of managing emotions, I have learned that it’s super critical to say “I am sorry”.

3. They don’t wallow in negative self-talk. 

4. They don’t go off at assumptions, coz they know that nothing is ever as it seems. Assumptions are the mother of all screw-ups. If you assume and accept your own reality of events, instead of asking to know the truth, you will do or say some horribly stupid stuff. 

5. They don’t speak when they are angry. Speak when you angry and you will make the best speech to regret for the rest of your life. 

6. They know that emotions are not the measurement of a situation, but rather a chemical reaction to a situation, more affected by personal issues rather than the situation itself. 

“The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem” – Cpt. Jack Sparrow

7. They take emotional responsibility. Low EQ’d people believe things like “it is somebody’s fault that I feel this way and so it is their problem to solve.” They also say things like “You make me feel angry.” Nobody “makes you” feel anything, honey. 

8. They do not suppress their feelings. Infallible composure is not emotional intelligence. You should never ignore how you feel. What you should rather suppress is an emotionally charged outburst until you’re in a calmer position to express your emotions. 

9. They do not say “yes” when they wanna say “no”. The more difficulty you have with saying no when you want to, the more stress, depression, anger or anxiety you experience. It’s OK to say NO to people without having to explain yourself.

10. They rarely make self-centered decisions (selflessness), because they possess the necessary empathy to put others’ needs before their own. I’m pretty sure that when Harvard does one of their famous researches on this one, they will find that selfishness is directly proportional to peanut-size intelligence. 

11. They do not complain insistently. Complaints are based on the assumption that you are a victim. You are not a victim. Not a victim of anyone. Not a victim of anything. Not a victim.

12. They move on and do not dwell on the past. Nuff said. 

So, it kinda goes without saying that emotional stupidity leads to general unhappiness. Kindly note that you ARE probably a hopeless case if you do not exhibit any of the traits in the list above. You can e-mail me at suomatobias15@gmail.com if you’d like to improve your EQ.

Remember: even emotionally intelligent people make emotionally stupid decisions some times. This is my humble disclaimer and a public announcement that I am certainly guilty of doing emotionally UNinteligent things some times. *sigh* Life.

With love always,