To the Shallow 20something year-old Namibian guy…

For some pathetic and probably natural cause, I’ve been thinking about marriage lately. Like, A FLIPPING LOT, almost absolutely every day. I’m also finding myself engrossed in conversation about marriage and weddings, like all the time. Must be because, my sister, my best friend and my colleague are all getting married, (and pretty much everybody else) and everything else on my twitter and Instagram feed basically screams “Marriage! Wedding! Compatibility! Wedding-shoots” The irrational notion that the clock ticks and has started doing so in my case is badgering against my brain. No no, don’t worry, I’m not getting paranoid... Or maybe I am. *sigh* Whatever.

 

Anyway, here we are: in the 21^st Century and things have changed dramatically since our grandmothers had gotten married. I, as any other female millennial would relate, am a victim of banners that shout that 21^st Century girls are not marriage material. *rolls eyes* Fair enough. Here are the following insults leveled against us:

1. We are too materialistic. In other words, for the broke boy, we are an imminent threat. 
2. We are lazy and can’t keep a home clean. (or a flat, seeing as houses are technically un-affordable on these streets) 
3. We are selfish and manipulative. (Apparently worse than men are… *pops eyes*) 
4. We can’t hold down a home, because we are too busy investing in our weaves and manicure appointments. (and no, men do not invest in their slim-fit suits and chuck taylors *rolls eyes*) 
5. It’s either we are gold-diggers or too successful to submit to a man. In other words, if we have a good job, we intimidate and threaten the security of a lazy man. 

6. We either don’t know how to cook or we simply refuse to, because KFC has a 24-hour drive-thru and 2-minuite noodles are definitely attractive in our fast-paced lives. 
7. We are shallow, because we are driven by social media and current trends. The assumption here is that there are no men who are literally addicted to social media. 
8. We are disrespectful, because we are “too” aware of our rights. Woe unto a man who marries a lawyer! *hides*  
9. We are drunks. We drink too much and party way too flipping much. Nobody wants to marry a party animal. 
10. We cannot take care of a man, because apparently being in a relationship with one is the same as having a baby-sitting appointment… 
11. We have lose morals. Or none at all. “Even church girls are no better”, they say – as if we are prepared to entertain non-churching selfie-posting boys anyway…
12. We ain't "loyal". Seriously, worst song everrr!

Excuse our vanity and forgive us for assuming that there’s an equal number of barbershops in Windhoek as beauty salons. Excuse us for being the women that our Namibian FATHERS raised (or failed to in most cases...). Forgive us for being “too” woman for your little boy pants. Forgive us for being bold and certain of our identities, which won’t allow us to kiss the rugs that you wipe your Dakotas on. 

Here’s our problem with you, boys: your requirements and demands of us do not match your character, your pockets and your behavior. We don’t necessarily have a problem with serving y’all loyally and submitting to your husbandness. The problem is: you want too much, but are offering way too little. Hear me out.

What is it that you are offering a girl, that is so appealing that she should crawl back into her girl shell, bend over backwards, put on a pretty dress for a wedding day of glam and photoshoots, ushering her into a marriage full of disappointments, boredom and financial frustration? Can you handle a broken and bruised woman, and vow to profoundly love and honor her to healing? 

First of all; what kind of honorable man pursues a woman he is unprepared to take care of; yes, financially and emotionally? Your double standards leave much to be desired, sons. You want us to abandon the tradition of expecting men to provide for their women and households financially that we have learned from our fathers and grandfathers? But you stick to your chauvinistic guns about keeping us in the kitchen, preparing you a hot meal while you are up and about the town making babies with any willing skirt, and expect us to avail our soft bodies to your pleasure at night, as you have observed of your mothers and grandmothers? 

Tell us, young man; of what relevance are you to a woman? What are you offering a young dynamic woman who has got her life together? She can cook, but can you fix a leaking roof? She can bear children, but can you be a dependable dad? She can clean up good and look pretty, but are you worth it?  She can keep her legs closed, but how many Juniors and baby mommas do you have by the time you hit 35? DOUBLE STANDARDS. Yes, I can hear your seething comment: “Women lose value, men don’t, blah-blah-blah” Where lies your dignity and manhood? In the fact that every pretty girl in town can say “I’ve been there.”? *wide-eyed question*

After a girl has traveled the world, read enough good books, enjoyed the finest art and music, entertained deep, profound conversation with scholars and philosophers, has lived fully and soulfully, has a stable job, is it not become utterly inconceivable that she be allured by the prospect of settling down with a  man of limited depth, exposure, has a dull outlook on life and just wants to "chop life"?? What has he that will satisfy her hunger for depth and breadth? What can he teach her? Can he even pray? For what journeys may he inspire her? What weapons has he to tame her wild fire aspirations and contain her zest for the deeper things in life?

Is your BMW s6 (or whatever it's called) and bank account sufficient for a woman to want to stay with you? Your “hustling” mentality and vision for “One day I’ll be a millionaire” should contain her and urge her to support your hustle?

 

Oh, don’t get me started with the Church boy who thinks he's enough because he can quote scripture and therefore demands Proverbs 31 status of a woman! Because you have what, the wisdom and philosophical insight of King Solomon, the boldness of King David, tenacity of Samson and good looks of King Saul? Yes, she may have the chivalry of Ruth and endurance of Sarah, but do you have the patience of Jesus and understanding of Joseph to a father a son that isn’t your own? Should we liken you to Boaz who refuses to lead a woman on until he has spoken to the elders? Do you have the love and endurance of Hosea who married a prostitute who kept going back to her old ways and time and again, he went to get her back? Who do we judge you against? These girls don’t pray enough for your standards, but we don’t see you taking three days of consecration and spending time with God!

Calm down, church guy, just calm down.

We are pretty-looking, but we lack personality, you say... Because your shallow passion for soccer, bland taste for house music and admiration of cars are such deep personality qualities?? You think you are ready-made, you’re God’s gift to women and some lucky girl should be out there "preparing herself" for when you decide the time for you to take a loyal girl home has come? Get off that silly pony and work on yourself, for goodness sake! Develop some character, read a good book, sharpen your mind, be inspiring, grow some persona and make a woman feel lucky to have you! 

Now you wanna call her a sell-out, because she chose to marry a responsible Godly Nigerain or Zimbabwean man... You want to call her a dirty kandeshi, because she chose to settle for a 40-something year-old man. You want to call her a coconut, because she went for the European man. The truth is; there's something those men have to offer a woman that you seem incapable of doing... Namibian brother, get your act together & step up your game.  

PS: Future husband, if you are a 20something year old Namibian, ignore this post *smiles, giggles & blushes*

And ladies, Mandy Hale once said,